My mother used to forbid my mixing with people who hang out late at night, don't study properly, like to play truant, etc - the type of students who teachers secretly loathe. Her logic is this:
We're judged by the company we keep. At that time, I thought she was a little too harsh towards my friends. See, I have friends from different classes. The graduating batch of 2003 in my school had 4 classes. I had friends from the first 3 classes. I had to stop there though because the girls from the last class were in a totally different universe from me. Their language, their attitude, their appearance... wah cannot accept. Anyway, back to my mother. She frowned upon my choice of friends from the C class. To her, C class means bad behaviour. Sometimes when I met a friend in the mall with my mother, she would complain that their outfit was too skimpy, they did not look like a (proper) student, blah blah blah. If I hanged out too late with friends, she would automatically think I was hanging out with the naughtier kids, never mind if I was actually with my classmates.
I thought she was really unreasonable then. So what if my friends are from the 3rd class? Does that make them less good or less worthy? So what if they dress skimpily? That's their body, not mine! I am me. An own individual. You want to judge me, you better get to know me personally. Don't look left right front back instead of looking right at
me! This is my theory. Hence, many times when my mother nagged, I would either walk away or argue with her and
then walk away. Ridiculous and stuck up, that's what I thought.
"You go and ask XXX (a classmate). Surely her mom thinks this way. You go ask Mrs Chong (my form teacher), she'll agree with me too. All mothers think like this. You hang out with
ah lians, people will think you're one too even when you're not."
"You're just twisted. I don't believe you. Aunty Heidi always say 'see human, speak human talk. see ghost, speak ghost talk' (direct Mandarin translation meaning to 'speak the language of whom you're with'). We need to be flexible
la, mommy. Ah, you won't understand one
la. Don't want to talk already." And I walked off.
But since the last couple of years, I have begun to see her point. I browse the profiles of friends and I see photos of them with shady characters and I wonder if they too have gone astray. On the other hand, some acquaintances behave very Lindsay Lohan-ish and I'll shake my head in disgust while silently give thanks that they are merely acquaintances. Do I want to be associated with them? I don't think so. It's fine to say, "oh yeah, I know her" but it is a different thing altogether to say "oh yeah, she's my friend". Guess I do turn into my mother in the end, although I must clarify that my filter system only filters out ugly behaviour, not people who are less academically-inclined.
The irony is my mother is now more relaxed with the company I keep. Or those my siblings keep. She's okay with my brothers' friends who are from the back classes (maybe because my bros are from back classes too >_<) and my youngest sister's friends who dress a bit too mature for a 16 year old. Perhaps she has finally seen the logic of my arguments? At a time when I finally understand her theory, nevertheless.
Oh well, mothers and daughters will have their differences. One just cannot be like the other. But one thing is true: Mothers know best.
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